The desire is not enough to create a strong family. At first, relations seem to be a fairy tale, which, unfortunately, sometimes has a negative ending. The relationships must be constantly worked on identifying errors in time and solving conflicts correctly. The family crisis occurs not only in young couples, the experienced ones also quite often encounter problems, the overcoming of which is obtained with great difficulty. How to nullify the differences that arise at different stages of life together?
Year 1: life opens one’s eyes
This is the phase of relationship when dating is over and replaced by cohabitation. Here is where everything starts. The first year of marriage removes the pink veil from the eyes and bares the truth about the partner. And then the second half of the fairy prince or princess suddenly turns into very ordinary person, who definitely has the minuses.
The development of relations in the first year of marriage is largely dependent on the difference in the education of newlyweds. Each of them sees the role in the family with own point of view, the same situation is with the role of a partner in it. The first conflicts arise, usually as a result of the distribution of duties and responsibilities; this brings the atmosphere of reluctance to change themselves and the habits.
According to statistics, the odds on the first year of life together can become a cause of divorce in 50 cases out of 100. To replenish this list, the newlyweds should somewhat appease their ardor and talk constructively instead of another quarrel. To change someone else ‘for yourself’ is a deliberately false path. This is primarily due to the fact that the high characterological resistance is acquired by man as early as 17 years. Undoubtedly, the conditions of personal life are different, but the emotional and volitional sphere is preserved in some form. At this stage of the relationship, it is better to discuss the issues that each are fundamentally important as detailed as possible. Less important points should better be omitted and couple should learn quietly respond to them.
Year 3: with the baby birth …
… everything is turned upside down. Familiar family life almost in a moment is undergoing significant changes. New roles that already have names ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ once again provide an opportunity to the couple to see each other from the other side. In the process of fitting the new roles, one rarely manages to keep the composure, and constant nervous tension and physical exhaustion associated with sleepless nights, give rise to new conflicts.
Overcoming of the family crisis at this point is undoubtedly important, because now there’s a new member of the family who just needs care and loves each of you. Solving problems in this case is a clear allocation of responsibilities and thus each of the spouses should be able to spend a period of time in sole discretion. A woman has the full right to escape from the troubles and relax in the beauty salon or spend a few hours with friends, a man has the same right to fully meet friends or spend some time with his favorite pastime away from home. But each of the spouses should have the right to personal space – this is important!
Years 5-7: something is missing
As a rule, these are women who miss something. After 5-7 years, the family has become a mechanism that works harmoniously, but at the same this becomes boring. Children grew a little and do not make extreme situations anymore; the work goes on, and the relationships are smooth and well-established. And now in the period of calm and quiet the thinking about ‘what it would be like if I linked the life with another person?’ comes to the head. At this point, suddenly person wants to change something; wishes for some brand new emotions maybe even extreme.
After 5-7 years of marriage, life often becomes too monotonous, and this leads to a banal finale – adultery. Do not let this happen is quite simple – talk to each other. This is not routine, not an end but a new round of relations, which is characterized by an absolute addiction. Now the partners have to be frank as ever. It is not necessary to save the emotions in themselves and remain silent about the desires. In fact, if everyone’s energy is directed to the preservation of the family it will be quite easily to survive the crisis. In addition, if you were able to agree on the 1st and the 3rd year of life together and were able to build a strong emotional closeness, then now it will be even easier.
Year 15: and again, something is missing …
… Only now this is true for a man. In people, this is called ‘gray beard’ and experts say the ‘midlife crisis’. Psychologists say that it is better not to touch the spouse at this point, since this tactic will not bring the desired results. During this period, a man feels real fear: the future, of old age, his failure as a man. Now he needs a standing ovation and recognition of others, that he is the king of the universe. But somehow, his wife has not woven laurel wreath and teenage children do not care at all. So he hastens to the place where, as it seems, he will be on top. In the best case he is delayed at work, never misses a corporate party and constantly flirting with women, and, coming home, starts to grumble, arguing with his wife and interfere with her parents.
At this stage, woman should try to take matters into her own hands, but only so that the man would not understand. It is better to behave as calm as possible and at the same time try to lighten the mood. Take care of yourself, burn worn bathrobe, donate curlers favorite neighbor and give your husband that laurel wreath, which he awaits. Now, man, more than ever, needs to hear that he is a winner, a winner in everything. He needs praise, recognition, let it even be outright flattery, but it has to flow from the mouth of his wife. Otherwise, he is likely to find another source of inspiration. The woman in this period should be part and all the forces direct to avoiding of the demonstration of indifference.