Everyone knows that children, especially teenagers, can be very difficult. It is in adolescence parents understand, that the past problems were just flowers. Rudeness of the teenager is the scourge of the younger generation, as a result of which the relationship with the child in the family are ‘bursting at the seams.’ Parents panic, they are upset and are trying at all costs to rectify the situation.
This problem can occur in any family either very rich, or the needy. Child may be rude to any kind of mother either successful business woman, or simple cleaner. Up to a certain time, adults do not pay attention to the negativity in relation to them. When the child grows, parents are waiting for help from him, understanding, respect, love, support and participation; it happens that the mother and father are very disappointed in their favorite child and understand that they cannot get the desired emotions yet.
Where does the root of the problem lie?
There is no magic drug, healing teenager from rudeness. But parents are able to change the child’s behavior for the better and bring harmony in family relationships.
It is obvious that in such families, the parents of the child are not respected. The reasons may be different, but there should be no disrespect to parents under any circumstances. The child had to be taught how to position himself in young age. And now he’s trying to seem other person as he actually is. In addition, adolescent self-doubt, coupled with the desire to self-assertion encourage grown child to rebel and rudeness.
Causes of rudeness and what to do with it
• Communication. Parents need to be aware of their child’s affairs and his experiences, feel inner world subtly. Therefore, when the child is in a good mood, it is necessary to bring him to a frank conversation and listen carefully. If parents find a common ground, then it will be clear what the child’s interest are, what he dreams about; perhaps, the reasons of rudeness will become clear.
• The desire to self-assertion. Adolescence is the crisis period, the hormonal surge time. The desire of the child to become independent from the parents and search for a place in life are unrealistic desires yet, hence contradictions, conflicts and rudeness emerge. Parents should not exert pressure on the teenager, their participation in the process of trying to self-affirmation of the child shall be a minimum, but do not throw the children to fend for themselves. Parents can gently suggest reading of useful books, meet interesting people, to provide an opportunity to feel their own importance; with time coarseness and rudeness will come to naught.
• The effect of ‘double standard’. Many young people unconsciously copy the attitudes of parents, disrespectful communicating with each other. The way out is clear – parents need to review the principle of communication between them.
• Feedback on their actions. If the child was allowed to do absolutely everything, it is not excluded that as a teenager he will send all away. The fact is that he has no internal frontiers and in many ways, including rudeness, physical abuse and brutality, he explores the world. The more parents will tolerate the behavior of their child, the more he will manipulate and provoke. In a rather strict form parents must notify the child about the undesirability of such behavior. If the behavior does not change parents need to show what happens as a result of such offenses.
Tips for parents
The teenager is not adult yet. His explosive and uncontrollable character scares parents; they do not know how to react to his shocking antics. It should be understood that the rudeness of a teenager is his defensive reaction, which allows to hide the weakness, vulnerability, shyness and awkwardness.
In adulthood the child feels like an adult and clumsily expresses this with the boldness, rudeness and crudeness. Hard times will be over, parents need patience and wisdom, and of course to review the manner of communication with their families.
• Do not command the child; in adolescence, he would not unconditionally fulfill all the orders. It is needed to communicate with him on an equal as with an adult, learn to negotiate and try to be his friend.
• If the child raises his voice to the parents, do not respond in kind. It is better without hearing him to the end to leave the room or just gently hug and in comic form to hint that he looks funny when the screaming. And it is possible, stepping on your pride, write your child a note with the words ‘And I still love you.’ This parents’ reaction will make a teenager to calm down.
• Do not lisp with a grown child. It is annoying, and in response to the tenderness he shows his maturity and independence. Therefore, you need to talk to him as an adult, in order to avoid rudeness.
• At the family council when important decisions are made parents need to ask the opinion of the child and to consult with him. In this situation, he will feel like an adult and realize that rudeness in the family is inappropriate.
• Any conflicts should be discussed with the teenager alone, but not with strangers.
• Do not react violently to the teen being rude. Calm parents, at least outwardly, will calm the child.
• It is better to praise the child more often and to trust him, to pay attention to his good deeds.
• Parents must show respect for the adolescent passions, even if the parents do not like them, for example, the songs he listens to, or style of dress.
• Support in difficult situations strengthens relationships within the family. Teenagers often dramatize the slightest failure. The task of parents is to be sensitive to the problems of children and try to support them.
• Do not puzzle child with the plans, which, because of infancy, he cannot realize yet. As a result, the lack of experience will encourage the teenager to rudeness and crudeness.
• Even after a conflict with adults child should feel parental love and support, and not reciprocal rudeness and instructions such as ‘who is the boss.’
If parents force is at the end
1. To maintain a dialogue parents should mentally draw a line between their words and emotions.
2. It is impossible to answer rudeness to rudeness, to move to scream and battering.
3. Rudeness should not go unpunished. A child needs to understand that the ban on visits to discos or deprivation of pocket money is a consequence of an abusive attitude.
4. If a teenager is behaving provocatively, the didactic conversation with him should be postponed to a later date, in order to cool down. In addition, adults will have time to prepare for the upcoming conversation.
5. For the sake of getting the authority parents cannot use the youth slang. The child can take it as a joke.
Complicated adolescence ends sooner or later. It is important at this difficult time not to lose the trust and warm relationship with the teenager, who will soon become an adult. To maintain harmony, the family needs positive emotions, hanging out, resulting in misunderstandings and conflicts ‘come to naught’, and sharp edges in relations will be smoothed.